just went to read dearest's entry.
lost.i feel that way too.
i thought you were my best good
i thought wrong.
can't you see our distance?
yeah.now i can.
seems like you've always knew everything.
behind that oh-so-cute face.
just there pretending.
perhaps waiting for me to finally realize.
maybe even laughing at how stupid i am to have trusted you so much.
waiting.looking.observing.
now i know.
i seem to have woken up from this dream.
to finally feel the long forgotten hurt.
to see how stupid i've been.
to realize how wrong i am.
to realize how few people i can actually talk to.
to feel so much pain;
it all seems to be in a rush to be felt once again.
to be so tired of this all.
to see you for who you are.
to stop making excuses for you.
to stop being used by you.
to stop letting you twist my words.
to stop doing what i didn't want to do;
what you should do yourself.
to realize that this has all been a facade.
its amazing how much a person can change.
and how quickly even.
really.
how disappointed you can become with someone.
how she is this way with you and the other with another.
how she can tell you this and tell another that the next moment.
am i really so nice to be there for anybody.
just anybody.
to simply dump anything/everything on me.
and simply leave after that?
i'm tired.
i really need a break.
i just want to run away from it all.
your lies.everything.
i thought its all smooth-sailing from before.
i thought wrong.
i'm just stupid aren't i?
to keep going back even though i keep getting hurt.
to keep trying believing that its all different.
to you.
